I recently quit my very cushy 9–5 to pursue a freelancing career with more flexibility to do what I love, travel and explore new cultures. However, here I am one month into my new adventure and I feel like a lost puppy in the rain.
That may have been a little dramatic, but really, I don’t know what I’m doing. I don’t have a steady flow of income and I’m freaking out.
Great work can be done from anywhere
Imposter Syndrome. WHAT?!
I had no idea what Imposter Syndrome was until a former colleague mentioned it and now I am seeing it everywhere. For those of you unfamiliar with it, according to Harvard:
“Imposter syndrome can be defined as a collection of feelings of inadequacy that persist despite evident success. ‘Imposters’ suffer from chronic self-doubt and a sense of intellectual fraudulence that override any feelings of success or external proof of their competence. They seem unable to internalize their accomplishments, however successful they are in their field.”
This is me. I’m good at what I do: I’m creative, a strategic thinker, and lover of problem-solving. But I was so secure in my 9–5 that I wasn’t being challenged. I was a monkey sitting behind a computer screen churning out content and ideas without any real purpose. So when I quit my job, I tossed myself out there and had this overwhelming sense of anxiety, because now I have to actually bust my ass for a source of income and continually prove myself to be valuable.
Lisboa, Portugal
I’m surrounded by successful women who thrive as freelancers and excel in their area of expertise. My inner dialogue reacts, and it sounds a little something like this:
“WHY?! Wasn’t I as successful as they were?” They kept reminding me that it takes time, things don’t happen immediately, I’m going to have to hustle.
“BUT I AM!”
I’m not. It’s been a month.
This internal conflict is nose-diving my confidence. I’m networking, I’m on job boards bidding for work and not getting anywhere. I’m sure this would take a toll on anyone; I took a huge risk and it’s not working as fast as I want it to, and my crippling anxiety is getting worse. I know I’m not the only one that’s going through this, but no one is talking about it.
How to Handle the Anxiety
I am very lucky that my family and friends have the confidence in me that I’m lacking. They have been a continuous sounding board for me at all hours of the day and night and are holding me accountable. Without them, I would be on the couch watching Vanderpump Rules eating chicken nuggets and spiraling.
The people that were supporting you when you made this life change; are still there to support you.
Ask a ton of questions. It’s in my nature to be very curious, to begin with (but I hate asking for help — HUGE internal conflict). Reach out to your network and groups that you belong to and ask how they got started, what they did to get work — the appropriate questions to ask — and how they deal with the highs and lows of freelance.
Some groups that I belong to to look for support:
The best teacher is experience (or so my dad says), so I asked the experienced. At some point they were in the same position I am in; they’ve been through the emotions already — they know what works and what doesn’t.
Letting go of any sense of shame or embarrassment is hard — I think that’s the hardest part for me. I’m putting myself out there every day and getting rejected. HOW does that not kill anyone’s confidence? But just keep reminding yourself it’s not personal, everyone is running a business just like you are trying to. They are going to get the best work for the cheapest price. Remind yourself that it’ll turn around and just keep taking those leaps of faith.
Leaps out planes, leaps of faith. Same thing.
So Now What?
I know things take time, patience, and a lot-a-bit of hustling, but I was not prepared for this big step into the unknown. I am very lucky to have a wonderful group of supportive women around me that are helping me at 3 AM when I’m freaking out or sending some clients my way. But the true success lies within.
My only advice to myself and anyone else that may be feeling this way is to continue to enroll in online courses to learn new skills and hone in on your current abilities. Keep reaching out to your network and friends, be persistent and ask questions, and continue to hustle.
Also, the biggest thing, don’t take anything personally.
I was too comfortable working at a desk job. I wasn’t fulfilled personally and professionally. I need to remind myself every hour that this is an exciting and freeing time in my life, and I’m grateful for the opportunity to live my life happily and in the moment.